Nicholas Rivara, I met him many years ago while he was married. I did show interest, I was a kid, 23. He began the game of lies then, telling me how his wife takes advantage of him, she isn’t appreciative of him and what he provides, she expects everything. Back then, I didn’t realize it was a game, I didn’t realize he was a sick man. I was 23 years old, swept off my feet my a charming successful business man. The cute random texts, he’d make hearts out of things, take pics and send them to me. It was straight out of a chick flick. The s*x was amazing after I taught him few things. The passion and love made it amazing. I began a relationship with him that went on for years. 4 years ago we became more serious, the divorce was final and he was free. Everything seemed OK. Moving forward as time went on, and I grew up, I noticed things that didn’t make sense. Little things here and there, he wouldn’t answer my call in front of friends, customers, his kids or even his ex wife. He wouldnt reply to texts in front of his ex wife either. He always “forgot” where his phone was when he was around someone. Little things that caused much bickering. I began noticing how he was playing his ex wife to benefit himself. He’d be extra nice to her when he needed a business favor. He’d go out of his way to please her so he’d can ask a favor in return. In that time, it always involved s******g on me, as if he wasn’t able to handle respecting the both of us. He was ordered to give her $6000 a month, which led to her having all her bills paid as well as her working a full time job, she’s set in the money. I started noticing him doing more and more for her, paying her vet bills, her car inspection, handing her extra money, this is an ex wife?? While his current girlfriend is struggling? His current girlfriend that takes care if his moms needs, bills and health. As I grew up and noticed these things, I began to be more vocal about it. The more vocal I was, the more coo coo he got. We got into an altercation. 3 years ago when I found out he was cheating on me with a girl that lived 3 blocks from him. I flipped out on him. I was throwing his stuff around and smacking him. He called the cops and I landed in jail. Thats right ladies and gentleman, he cheated, he called the cops and I landed in jail. In that time, I found out the real man he is. What man cheats, then calls the cops? I never lied to the officers that came, I said exactly what I did bc thats the type of real person I am. He ended up telling everyone I attacked him but not the real reason behind it. After that, we got back together. Anyone with a brain would see that if the man I “attacked” chose to be with me that there has to be more reason behind it. I chose to be a fool and forgive him, hows that for reason? Things were rough for a while but I stayed bc I truly loved him. During superstorm sandy, I went down to his marina with my girlfriend and brought him and his worker dinner and drinks. Me and his worker never got along, his worker turned to me and told me to get out of the marina, I replied with, f**k you. As I turned my back the worker attacked me, pushing me down and beating me up. My girlfriend beat up the worker and Nick just stood there. On my sons heartbeat, Nick just stood there watching. He never fired him either, he just simply ignored it. Sandy was a rough time for business owners. He apoligized with excuses and I stayed. Time went on and I started seeing a shrink for personal reasons. I needed help identifying myself. I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. I used to be a strong minded girl but I felt weak and worthless. With every argument he knocked me as a women, mother and person. Looking back, I see he needed to feel important. I see now that he needed to be speical in other eyes. He always worried about what others thought of him. He needs the best of everything, he has a hard time handling critism and cant admit wrong doing. He belittles people that appear better than him. He switches arguemnts around, “I wouldnt have done this, if YOU didn’t do this” “YOURE the one that…” Like, I wouldnt have smacked u if u didn’t call me a scumbag. In the past few years, after I attacked him for cheating, he attacked me, unprovoked may times. One time we were bickering by his truck and I went to open his truck door to sit and he grabbed me by the neck and threw me down to the ground. his response to that was, “i thought u were gonna ruin my truck.” I would get in his face during arguments, Hed throw me to the ground and hit me. I have that on video and wen I find it on my old phone I will upload that. Yelling at soemone and raising your hands to someone isnt the same thing. Each and every time I stayed. I cant believe how brainwashed I was. How much I thought I wasn’t good enough and tried to improve myself for him. I never met anyone that played victim like him. How anyone even belived him. Typical signs of an abuser. Still to this day, I won’t gossip or bad mouth him. I still and will always love him, or at least what I thought he was. I think our relationship was a sexual love for him. As he got older I think he had a hard time understand why someone 17 years younger than him would treat him like royality. I guess that where the belittling came from. Each and every fight hed cry to his ex wife and shed accept him. amazing. When it was good, it was good but when it was bad, man was it bad. This last fight was the end. Earlier in the day he went to lunch with a friend. He went into the bathroom to sneak a phone call to me, telling me he cant call me at lunch from the truck like normal bc his friend was there. Seriously, its been 8 years, u cant call me in front of someone? Again, I became vocal, asking for answers, feeling hidden demanding to know why hes hiding me. He came home later that night and plopped himself on the couch with a bag of chips like he always does. With the Tv on and the chips on his stomach, I asked him again, why am i no one. He gnored me. I snatched the chips and yelled, HELLO IM F****N HERE. I told him to leave. He said no. The whole day I begged him to leave. I said, u clearly have another girlfriend, why cant u just stay with her for now. u dont want to be here, u dont treat me right, u have no respect for me, just go for now. u have plenty of places to go, u have money and access to everyone. I have a child and its harder. Just go and Ill figure something out in a timely fashion. I wasn’t looking to screw him over, I just asked for him to go until I figure things out. His male pride wouldnt let him leave “whats his” Like, come one.. its one night. just go. One bicker led to another and now Im in the bathroom ready for a shower. he cracked my head on the bathroom sink. I choked him. There was a scuffle in between. I told him to leave, he did but he went downstairs and called his friend, which is his friend and they called the cops. The cops came and he told them that I hit myself causing the gash to my head and bruises to my chest. I proudly said, I choked him after I got up off the floor from having my head hit. I have a cop friend that tried to help and the cops that were there gave us a choice. If we agree to not press charges that they would leave and everything will end. I clearly said, I just want to shower and sleep. Nick, being so intent on not looking like the bad guy, wouldnt shut his mouth. He kept saying, Im not the bad guy, take her, she scratched me and hit herself. They put him in cuffs bc of his running mouth. He had minor scratches on his neck from my nails. They cuffed me too, in front of my son. Thanks Nick. The next day when he got out of jail, he called EVERYONE he knew. People that had nothing to ever do with our relationship. Remember, he was to private to make a phone call to me in front of people, he never annouced our good times and doings to anyone ever but he called everyone he knew to announce his version of this. why.. bc he needs to be heard and look like the good guy, he needs to belittle me. He needs to know that he would never look like the bad guy. He never spoke to his friends about me, why now? He ran back to his ex wife, with more lies and again, she played the caring role bc she just got caught stealing $4000 from him, but thats another story. This man is an absolute mess. Im clearly not any better for staying with him. He left his mom in a home and uses her money. Stole $75000 to get out of tax debt. Who does that? Who dumps their mom and turns their back? Ive showed his mom more love and care then he ever did or will. Ive brought her what she needs, I keep her health in check, I visit her. I love her, not one thank you from him. Almost like he expected it. Out of spite, he ended up calling ACS to cause me more issues. As if moving out isnt hard enough. he opened up a can of worms with ACS. My plump child, who has everyhting, straight 4’s down his report card, has more love than anyone, had to indure being questioned, and fondled by ACS checking for bruises. Thats lower than low, some man. I really feel sorry for him. My heart breaks knowing he lives in a lie in his head. Knowing he believes his cowardly lies and belives his actions are justified. Narcissim is a bad disease. I would never dream of announcing this type of business. I hid it for years. I was so embarrsed. He decided to tell the world, why? attention? sympathy? to make sure he looks like the good guy? for he said she said drama? mind boggling. he has many fooled, mostly men just as low as him, i guess its a club? When I caught him cheating the first time, he cried for me. he didnt even cry at his dads wake. I thought he loved me, he was only playing the role bc he couldnt stand being the wrong one, he couldnt accept that we ended bc of him. its a part of being narsicisstic. I know at one time maybe he loved me but I dont know what happened to him in between. If we argued bc I over reacted he would be OK with turning his back on me, but if it was his fault, and he knew, he would do anything in his power to keep me with him. Im left dealing with an ACS mess and hes babbling to everyone worried about his image. I never had a hard time accepting my wrong doing, but this is mind boggling. I will always have a soft spot in my heart for him, he doesnt deserve it but he will. I hope he seeks help before ruining another life. Its going to take many years to pick myself up again. I dont believe this man is evil, I just think he needs help. I was very good to him and I really believe he couldnt understand why someone like me would love him and i think it made him snap. Im physically out of his league, Im younger with a heart of gold, adopted his mom and done everything to make his life easier. I really believe that ontop of his disease, he couldn’t handle being loved by someone like me.
Im purposely not mentioning names of friends or his ex wife bc as of now, none of them are making this new transition of mine difficult but if that changes names will be dropped and business will be aired.