Jamie Lee Vaughn, Santa Barbara, CA, US

Jamie Vaughn works with kids on the autism spectrum and I’m told is quite good at her job. I expected that someone like that to be kind, patient, and considerate. I was half right; she is like that–at work. When she’s off the clock, though, she is a narcissistic bully. I made the very poor decision to date Jamie for two years, and got to see the sides of her that the parents who work with her don’t get to see. I won’t pretend to know what she will or won’t do with you; I’ll just tell you how she behaved with me and trust that you’ll understand that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Jamie got very drunk regularly and would scream at me and belittle me, sometimes publicly. On a couple of these occasions she actually got physically violent with me, and one of those occasions involved her driving drunk to my apartment and breaking in for the purpose of making a point. I hoped that as time went on and our relationship became more serious (in Jamie parlance this meant me making more and bigger sacrifices for the sake of her convenience), these episodes would occur less frequently, and she’d apologize quickly the next morning. They didn’t, and she wouldn’t. (If this becomes a problem for you, find a reason to call the police when she’s losing her temper–you’ll find her behavior improves considerably when she knows it can get her arrested.) Jamie loved a life of luxury, and became sullen when the trappings of it didn’t appear in front of her quickly. I cared for her regularly when she was sick, but she wouldn’t deign to care for me when I was sick lest I impact her delicate immune system. She very loudly proclaimed her devout Christianity to anyone who cared to listen, which was absurd since she wasn’t really a Christian; Christianity, like all Western religions, requires its adherents to believe in something greater than themselves, and she doesn’t meet that criterion. I do not know her to have cheated on me at any point, although I’m certain she would have had the relationship lasted a few more years. She is probably a functioning alcoholic on top of all this, but that isn’t really the problem; the problem is her attitude. Jamie believed–probably still does–that she was better and more important than anyone else on the planet, and therefore the normal rules about human decency and respect didn’t apply to her. She may not have a criminal record yet, but she has a criminal mindset. Perhaps there’s a dipshit trust fund kid out there with a couple kids from a previous marriage who’s looking for a substitute mom for his kids, and he’ll have enough money to keep her atrocious behavior at bay temporarily. He may marry her, and she may tell him she loves him and mean it; but she’ll always love herself more, and if he’s got any sense he’ll recognize that eventually. Just make sure he’s not you.

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