tl;dr: callous, cowardly, lying (to everyone), heartless psychopath who sees no problem with cutting you off completely after a long-term relationship, getting with an
old friend of yours, and being a generally spiteful b***h.
Full story: Elizabeth C Kenney (“Biz”), a 45-year old woman, lives in Norwalk, Connecticut and has been married to James Hirshfield (“Jim”) for about 15 years.
They have two children, Carolina (“Lina”) and Jack, who are 14 and 11, respectively and attend Carmel Academy, a Jewish school in Greenwich, Connecticut.
About 8 years ago, after their marriage fell on the rocks, and counseling did not work, they decided to call it quits.
However, they never filed divorce papers.
Additionally, even after all this time, they still lie to their kids, pretending that they are still together, going to religious services together, going on family vacations together, and essentially faking every aspect of their marriage.
Their closest friends know their marriage is long over, their families know, but their acquaintances, anyone from the kids’ school, and everyone else has been kept
entirely in the dark about the reality that their marriage is over.
Their justification is that they cannot afford to sell their house, so the kids “wouldn’t understand”.
Now, at any point in the eight years since they called it quits, Elizabeth could have simply told James that they were going to tell the kids, and he could be on board
and plan it together, or not, but they needed to tell the truth.
James is not a bully.
They are both kind of low-frequency, low-drama type people (in most situations, as it turns out).
But fundamentally, Elizabeth is a coward.
She thinks that every man is somehow a bully.
Just because she cannot express herself, she blames others for her lack of assertiveness.
Elizabeth entered into one relationship of a year or so with a fully married man from Chicago, who was not going to leave his wife.
She had a number of brief “flings” with other men that were purely sexual.
And then she fell in love with another man, and was with him for three years and 8 months.
(this was only technically cheating on her husband, since she and James had not had a relationship for many years.)
They had started entirely as karaoke buddies, and neither thought they were a romantic fit,
but she eventually realized that he had been a good friend to her, and in a couple of instances, made it clear that she wanted to be with him sexually, though he
didn’t pick up on the first of these situations.
She continually told this man that she and James were in the process of getting a divorce, kept setting deadlines by which they were going to tell the kids.
This turned out to simply be a series of lies, year after year designed to lead him on and prevent him from leaving her.
When they were together in public locally, she told everyone that they were simply friends, and eliminated any public displays of affection.
After the relationship was over, she maintained this facade, making out as though they were casual acquaintances who just met randomly at karaoke and were nothing more.
They were only able to be themselves at a great distance from this area, since she figured the likelihood of their running into anyone who knew her husband or kids was less at those points.
She avoided a number of places where people already knew her entire game, and who rightfully judged her for leading people on she had no intention of being with long-term, and continues to do so, as more people learn the truth about her.
She keeps having to flee areas where people know her story…eventually, there will not be any left.
He wanted to be with her forever. She was the love of his life. He has never cheated on anyone, is not a player, simply thought he had found the perfect soul-mate.
Over the course of their relationship, they never even fought, always enjoyed doing the same things together, had a truly amazing physical chemistry that created a
completely peaceful state of mind merely by touching hands…like plugging into a battery.
She thought it would never work out, but never told him this, and stayed with him.
In fact, she led him in words and deeds to believe the exact opposite:
In person, in emails, in inboxes, and in texts, she told him that she was going to tell her kids that she and James were divorced, and that the situation where they
had to hide their love was only temporary, and that it wouldn’t be this way for long.
In fact, she broke up with him once and went back to him within a few weeks: this did NOT of course send the message that she figured the relationship was doomed.
A few days after they broke up this first time, she even opined that they still could have s*x, even though they were broken up.
None of her words or actions to him ever indicated anything other than that this was the best relationship she had ever been in, and he was the only one who had ever valued her thoughts and feelings, with whom she could share an intellectual connection.
They treasured the rare weekends they could spend together, or the concerts and other interests they pursued at a distance, where they could be themselves in public.
She kept insisting that things would not always be this way, and that they would be together for real, that she and James were having discussions about the future.
But nothing changed.
She broke up with this man a second time, for good, a little over 3 years and 8 months together as a couple (they had been karaoke buddies and friends for a couple of months before that).
Before they met, she was extraordinarily shy, tended to drink a lot at the corner bar near her house.
He introduced her to a whole host of new friends, and an entire host of karaoke venues (a shared love of theirs), and all of the karaoke DJs in a large area…he publishes a guide to area karaoke, in fact.
He made her feel unjudged, like the center of the world, and helped her find a home away from home in a new circle of friends.
He even produced two karaoke duets for them.
In short, he took her self-esteem from 0 to 100.
One of his closest friends was one of these karaoke DJs, Domenico Valente, whom he had known for many years.
They also shared many friends from Nico’s childhood.
He used to go by “Dom/Dommy”, but now “Nico”.
Since his late teens, Nico has always cheated on every one of his girlfriends multiple times, has no intention of getting married.
They had hung out a bunch at each other’s houses, partied together many times: and this was rare for the man, who had very few, but close friends.
Nico was one of his closest buddies. He used to go to Nico’s karaoke show every week in Norwalk, when he actually had a regular one, and they would hang out at the man’s house afterwards. The man was there for Nico when his mother died. Five years previously, the man had hired Nico to DJ his girlfriend’s party on the water in Milford at a huge birthday bash…not because he was a superlative DJ, but because he was a close friend.
In fact, the first communication between the two lovers, after Elizabeth had given this man her card, was his emailing the karaoke guide to Elizabeth, in which he even mentions Nico by name, as the one who had put the entire attached karaoke database into Excel.
Within less than three months of their breakup after close to four years together, Elizabeth was dating Nico, his close friend.
She carefully hid this from her ex-boyfriend, knowing how wrong it was, and Nico did not tell him either.
The trio randomly ran into each other one night, at a half-hour distance from their old haunts.
At first, she pretended that she and Nico had just randomly met up that night…he had, after all, introduced his long-time girlfriend to his old friend.
Elizabeth and her ex-boyfriend had been to Nico’s house together, even, when he was with his own ex-girlfriend (on whom he cheated repeatedly).
The man had come with an old friend, and strangely, Elizabeth acted as though she barely knew the man, like they were still karaoke buddies…but she made no secret of her love for Nico, kissing him publicly after her first song.
Then, she lied again, saying not that this was a random meet-up, but saying “it’s new”, as in they had just started dating.
Later, it was discovered that this was yet a third lie: she had been over at Nico’s house almost every night for the previous two months.
When confronted about this, she tried to absurdly maintain, in spite of the above facts, that the man and Nico barely knew each other.
The man wanted to talk to her, to try to understand what had happened, but she categorically refused, telling him that he should be committed to an asylum, and
threatening him with a restraining order.
While insisting that he not communicate with her, she hypocritically then harassed the man’s parents over Facebook, trying to manipulate them into stress (the man’s
father has heart afib) and to attack him in this way.
It also came out that in spite of her words and actions, she had never been that committed to the man…she was protecting her emotions, claiming that being hurt in
previous relationships had made her guarded. And it also came out that she had been “over” the man after the first time they broke up. She went back to him for s*x
(hence her saying it was still possible even when they were broken up), and that she still loved him, even though she didn’t think it would work out long-term, a
feeling she never expressed to him. But none of her displays of affection or her apparent adoration of her lover gave him any hint of this, clearly.
Note that at no time during any of this had the man publicly named and shamed her, at no time did he threaten her in any way whatsoever, at no time did he ever make any false statements about her (only true and anonymous ones), at no time did he stalk her or threaten to blackmail her,
proving her threat of a restraining order entirely baseless.
Instead of behaving like a decent human being, and the best friends that they supposedly were for each other, she tried to turn it around and paint him as the bad guy, trying to act as though he had threatened her (never happened), saying he was stalking her (never happened), and calling *him* a psycho and a b*****d.
Note that the man has never cheated on anyone, and in a million years would never, ever, ever date an ex-girlfriend’s friend, or a friend’s ex-girlfriend, no matter
how much time had elapsed.
In fact, she knew where the man would be and instead of keeping away from him as her threat would imply, she showed up at a place and time she specifically (and
provably, via text communications) knew he would be, to harass him.
Instead of showing up very late, after her salsa class, or somewhat late, as was her wont when with the man she had been with for almost 4 years, she showed up that
night before the show started.
Every time he went up to sing, she made a big dramatic exit, storming out of the room, with Nico following after her.
Even though this was a block from her house where her kids and husband slept, she was making out with Nico, telling everyone who would listen that the karaoke DJ was her boyfriend, grabbing his a*s, and hanging out around the karaoke console, to the degree that this destroyed the quality of the karaoke show.
Note that at no time in the previous four years would she have ever allowed any public displays of affection with her longtime boyfriend at this or any other local
venue, lest someone from her prior job at Greenwich Dance Studio, or current job at the Latin Moves Dance Studio or anyone from the kids’ school show up…which they had a few times.
As a result, everyone was so disgusted with the quality of the karaoke show that they complained to Nico’s boss, whose regular gig he was subbing for, and lost him
this longtime karaoke job.
Read that again: her vindictiveness and callousness lost Nico his job.
If you encounter this woman, run.
She comes off as very empathetic, totally on your side, will convince you that she loves you, can be very sweet, is very sexually charged, will tell you that she is
going to move on with her life and be with you forever…and then cut you off without any explanation, flip a switch and go into mega-b***h mode, refusing to even
communicate with you and threatening you, while trying to play the victim, as if she is the one who has been wronged…she doesn’t care who she hurts, because she can always rationalize it, since it’s such a long-ingrained habit.
You will not believe that this is the real Elizabeth until you experience it for yourself.
She is lying, cowardly, vindictive, callous, and entirely selfish.
She obviously regrets her life, never really wanted to get married and have kids, but did so for inauthentic reasons, and has never had the courage to simply be honest with her family and friends and start over, which she could do any time.
She is very nihilistic, thinking that life is ultimately meaningless, and that all that matters is the momentary pleasure you can suck out of each day, believes that
marriage and other ideals are all bullshit, and would never again dedicate herself to any kind of principle or morality.
Having a vacuum of values makes it easier to justify your wrongdoings, clearly.
She has spent so many years lying to herself and everyone around her that she has no moral compunctions about doing so anymore.
No rationalization is too great, no lie too disgusting for her to foist off on anyone in her life anymore.
One lesson from this: if someone lies to themselves about everything, and tells you the same stories, they can convince themselves that they are telling the truth. But a lie is a lie is a lie. Don’t waste your life believing her continued assurances that “things are getting resolved” or “we’ll tell the kids at the end of month X”.
She’s still passing these stories off to her current boyfriend.